We communicate with the linguistic knowledge of our most commonly used languages in daily life, be it English, Spanish, French or Arabic! But, are those languages all that there is, to communicate with people? What if I tell you that you can communicate with the help of a universally recognized magic language? No, I am not talking about the link language, English!
Most human beings have the capability and power of communicating through a pure and virtuous element in life – LOVE. Love is a positive expression that facilitates bonding and closeness among earthlings. It is very much like Oxygen. Can you live without it? Yeah, neither can I. Neither can the world. Just like faith, love can move mountains and even stop wars from happening!
Every infant, be it a lion, a human baby, or a bud, is born with the innate capacity to love, to feel loved, and to be loved. This robust, divine and magical communication tool that provides a ray of hope in a world filled with hatred is what keeps the universe intact. Don’t you agree? But, the problem with many people is that they aren’t aware of such sort of a language. The effects of it are clearly visible with the existence of strained, unsuccessful, and awkward interpersonal and intrapersonal relationships that we end up in.
Can you actually communicate in real life with the help of a love language or is this a way of me philosophizing life to you? If that’s what’s on your mind, I just want to let you know that I am absolutely sober! Everything that I am going to discuss regarding love languages has been tested time and again. I assure you that love languages have been proven and ranked to be one of the most effective and powerful languages a man can have command over.
Love language, just like any other language, is difficult to learn and comprehend at first but if you learn it, the world will be in your hands!
Want to master it?
In order to master it, you need to have a tiny bit of self-awareness and insight into that part of your soul that deals with everything related to love!
Knowledge of this would positively contribute to the way in which you create, build, and establish relationships with others as well as with yourself! Without any further ado, let’s understand what a ‘love language’ is and the five different kinds of love languages through which you can communicate so that you can be on top of the social game!
But before navigating to the most important part of this article, wouldn’t it be fun to know what your love language is through a short quiz? So, before scrolling down, take this short quiz to find out what your most preferred language of love is!
Note: This PDF file contains 30 questions with two options each and you can calculate your score according to the options (option A, B, C, D, and E) that you chose at the end. Be prepared to use your brain to add up the total score! (It’s no biggie!).
Now that you kind of know what your primary love language is, let’s get to know the basics!
Love Languages – What Are Those?
Dr. Gary Chapman is a well renowned American author and a radio talk show host who propounded the concept of ‘love languages’. He is well-known for his outstanding contribution to Psychology in terms of relationships, marriages, and romantic relationships.
Chapman came up with this idea after noticing these patterns of love languages being exhibited by people in romantic relationships and was mainly fascinated by the way in which they responded to it. A light bulb illuminated his mind and he linked these patterns to the realms of communication, behavior, and Psychology. And, thus, the concept of the very popular five languages of love came into existence.
According to Chapman, his five languages of love helps and guides people to express and accept love through one of the following primary love languages-
The Five Famous Love Languages
Words Of Affirmation
If sweet words or positive affirmations can get you smitten with love, then you can be sure that that this is your love language! Do you love giving and receiving compliments? What if someone fires off a conversation with you by adding genuine praises and encouraging words? Would that hit your warm heart the right way?
Simply put, this love language includes the expression of love through oral language, praise, or appreciation. When this is someone’s main love language, they tend to enjoy kind words, appreciation, and encouragement. They will also like exhilarating quotes, love letters, and sweet text messages. You can make this person happy by praising them or pointing out what they did well.
People whose primary love languages are positive words or affirmations from loved ones, deeply crave such heart-warming conversations and meaningful interactions wherein they are applauded, praised, and complimented. Written or spoken words are the key to their heart and they thrive on it.
You might have observed how some people adore receiving ‘thank you’ notes or ‘congratulations, you did it’ messages. You can make their day by complimenting them and offering them the pleasure of hearing or reading positive affirmations from you. You don’t have to overdo it and they wouldn’t be demanding a lot either. A simple ‘good morning, have a nice day’ might make them feel loved and wanted.
We usually see people wanting to spend quality time with their loved ones. This can be your primary love language when spending quality time with your loved ones makes you feel more connected to them and even more loved. If that is what makes you feel special, quality time is definitely your love language!
Now, if you are thinking that who wouldn’t want to spend quality time with their loved ones, I can assure you that there are many. Some people would think that it’s too much overstimulation and wouldn’t want to spend a lot of time when they are with their loved ones. At the end of the day, it is what makes you feel loved, special, and cared for and if spending quality time with a person makes you feel that, you know the deal!
When someone pays attention to others, love and affection are expressed through this love language. This means putting down the phone and turning off the tablet, making eye contact, and actively listening to that person whom you love. People with this language of love seek quality rather than quantity. So when you get together, if you focus on them, they will feel even more loved. Make sure to make eye contact with them, listen keenly to what the other person is saying, and avoid giving too much advice as most of the time, they just want to be heard and listened to.
Who doesn’t love gifts? Again, we aren’t highlighting a million-dollar ring or a Lamborghini here! If giving and receiving gifts is your love language, you would immediately be on top of the world when someone gifts you something, anything! And, this being your primary love language, you wouldn’t hold back on it either!
What matters here is the thought behind the gift for you and not the gift itself because you aren’t shallow or superficial! Imagine telling your loved one that you love charm bracelets and that you had one that your dad gifted you when you were 7 years old and then you accidentally lost it; and then one random day, he/she pops out a box that contains a charm bracelet! What would your reaction be? If that would instantly melt your heart with love and warmth, then this is your love language for sure!
For a person who is into this love language, he/she would love to give and accepts gifts. Giving gifts is a symbol of love and affection in their heart. They not only appreciate the gift itself, but also the time and energy invested by the donor. Most importantly, they don’t necessarily expect to receive large or expensive gifts. The thought behind the gift is what attracts them more to that person who is giving the gift. In other words, when you take the time to choose gifts for them, it will convey to them that you really know them. In addition, people who have this language of love often remember every little gift they receive from their loved ones because it will affect them, in a deep and positive manner.
Acts Of Service
This can be your love language if you would instantly feel special when someone does something to help you out. Acts of service is a love language wherein you will feel loved when you need some sort of help or guidance from a person and that person, in turn, does it for you. It would be even more overwhelming when that person does it without you even asking them for help!
If you are that kind of a person who loves it when people try to sort out your minor inconveniences in life and stands by you whenever you are in danger or go through the inability to deal with and solve certain problems in life, then little acts of service can be your primary love language.
As I mentioned above, I am not talking about huge, out-of-the-world kind of helpful gestures! It could be something so simple from opening the door for them or picking up the apparel that they gave for dry cleaning on your way back home to being with them through life’s ups and downs and holding their hands and never letting go (okay, that was a bit too dramatic, but you get the point!).
Acts of service can be someone’s main language of love if they go crazy over people who do good deeds for them. If you offer them thoughtful services, they will, in turn, feel loved and appreciated and they will perceive it as your way of saying ‘I love you’ to them. In short, they love it when people do small things for them, especially when they need help with something, and without them saying so, you come to the rescue! They also often find themselves doing small, thoughtful, acts of service for others. It is their method of communicating the fact that they love that person.
This is not about sex or something that is completely sexual. So, don’t misunderstand! If you feel the most loved when you give a huge bear hug to a loved one or vice versa, physical touch can be your love language. Do you feel closer when you hold your friend’s, partner’s, or child’s hands? Does your love tank get filled when you constantly, physically touch a person or when that person does the same to you? If that’s the case, your love language might be physical touch. This need not be sexual. It can be platonic and absolutely wholesome as well!
People who have this language of love will feel loved through physical touch, affection, and feelings. In addition to sex, those who use physical contact as their primary love language, love it when their close or loved ones show physical feelings or affection to them in some way, such as when they hold hands, touch arms, or are massaged at the end of the day. Such physical gestures of love make them feel instantly loved. Also, your ideal date ideas might include hugging them in a cozy couch or bed with your favorite show on TV! They just want to be physically intimate with you. But, that doesn’t always mean that they need or crave anything sexual. It’s just that physical touch is their way of communicating love to themselves and others.
So, which one is your primary love language? If you are still confused, scroll up and take that quiz to find out!
More About Love Languages
Chapman believes that although everyone likes each love language to some extent, a person usually speaks one major language, but they are all important and can be classified according to the languages they like.
We already know that ‘love language’ was primarily meant for couples or people in romantic relationships and Chapman himself further penned down books wherein he later extended this concept towards how love languages can prove to be beneficial, not just to love birds per se, but also to teenagers, single adults and parents of children. He also authored a special version for men!
Now that you have a brief understanding of what love languages are, let me ask you a simple question. Do you struggle in maintaining social and romantic relationships in life? If so, let us explore the various problems that arise in such undesirable situations which can lead you to constantly failing in being a successful social animal!
Issues That May Arise In Social And Romantic Relationships
Multiple Love Languages
Though it is said that one may possess, speak and respond to, in mostly, one love language, there will definitely be people who would have more than one primary love language because we are all versatile in our own ways! The existence of these multiple love languages in a person can confuse us. We need to deal with such relationships tactfully to avoid any communication errors.
People can be unaware or uninformed about love languages. To many people, this might be a novel concept! Not knowing about love languages is one thing but there can also be people who wouldn’t know how to use these love languages to build successful relationships with themselves and others. Therefore, knowledge about this is a must. But hey, don’t worry! With the help of books, educational videos, and blog articles like these, you can enlighten yourself and master everything about these languages of love!
Uninterested In Love Languages
Some of you may have read about love languages but might have warded it off like another wasteful knowledge and have thought that it is not scientifically proven to be right or accurate? Well, I have done enough research about it, and guess what? This concept has actually helped so many people to foster meaningful relationships in their lives with others and themselves! Just like any other theory, idea, or concept, Chapman’s five love languages have also gone through huge criticisms and critical analyses, but we can’t deny the fact that it has and still is helping a lot of people out there to communicate well. At least, it works in my case!
Do you fight often with your loved one or loved ones? It could be with your siblings, parents, co-workers, teachers, etc. You probably might not be knowing how to navigate relationships in life. Love languages are not the only forms of communication that can help you in such cases but try putting it to use and see the difference yourself!
Miscommunication And Misunderstandings
Well, where can I start on this one? You know the deal! Miscommunication leads to misunderstandings, which rarely leads to anything positive. Many misunderstandings are perpetuated by people in relationships who fail to check whether they are either being understood correctly by someone or correctly understanding someone.
Not Feeling Loved
This happens when there exists miscommunication in your relationship either with yourself or with others. People often get the feeling that they aren’t loved, care for, and wanted by any soul, be it their own or their loved ones! If you don’t feel loved, practice self-care coupled with the use of love languages in it, or try employing these love languages to make others feel loved, as well! Put an end to this unending cycle of relationship issues in life.
Here is a quick glimpse of how you can communicate effectively to avoid conflicts by using these love languages-
Let’s move onto reading why I feel that love languages are integral in these two kinds of relationships that we have and maintain in life.
How Love Languages Are Integral In All Relationships
Relationships that involve communication between or among two or more people through verbal or non-verbal messages are called interpersonal relations. This can include the kind of relationship we have, or share with our parents, spouses or partners, friends, family or relatives, well-wishers, colleagues, classmates, haters, children, etc.
In general, love languages can be put into use to increase your social skills and likability as a person and make you an effective communicator with great emotional intelligence in any society. Now, who would deprive of an opportunity to build and establish meaningful relationships with others and contribute to their overall mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing through the smart employment of these love languages?
A relationship that involves communication with ourselves, that is, a connection with our body, mind, and soul is what is meant by interpersonal relations. It is propelled by heightened self-awareness. Plus, the concept of self-care and self-love can be elevated by making use of these love languages in it. Let’s find out how!
Benefits Of Love Languages In Your Interpersonal And Intrapersonal Relationships
Many a time in life, our relationships may not work out and it may leave us with an inability to develop and establish strong bonds with people. What if things were fixable? A major reason why many social and romantic relations don’t flourish is that even though we are social animals, we just don’t know the right way to communicate.
Have you encountered any situation like that in your life where your significant other or parent or child turned to you and mentioned those four magical words?! – ‘‘You don’t love me!’’ Chances are that you do but something, somewhere is missing and acting as an obstacle in your way of effective communication.
Following are some of the benefits of love languages in any relationships:
- Aids in a form of sublime communication and makes it easier to build and maintain social and romantic relations through positive gestures of love.
- Promotes emotional empathy.
- Promotes selflessness and empowers you to express your love and concern to the needs and wishes of others rather than your own.
- Increases emotional intelligence and the ability to perceive and understand patterns and emotions.
- Aids in effective communication and promotes intimacy and love between or among people.
- Helps in personality development and self-improvement.
- Supports relationship building in a meaningful manner.
Since we have discussed the benefits of love languages in all relationships, its time you know that you don’t necessarily have to ‘‘sit down and communicate’’ with your partner or any other person or group of people you share a close relationship with, to sort out many of your confusing issues, misunderstandings and problems. Sometimes, what works best are subtle expressions of love and care through these five languages of love.
Ways To Implement Love Languages To Change The Way You Love And Communicate
You can make someone completely fall head over heels for you by incorporating these love languages in your love life. Check out some of the different ways in which you can practice these languages of love with your partners or spouses in the image down below.
You can practice these love languages to increase your parenting skills. Children or young adults can make use of love languages to make their parents feel even more loved. Check out some ways in which you can spread positivity and love among your family members in the image down below.
This could include relationships with your close friends, co-workers, teachers, mentors, guides, neighbors, etc. Down below are some examples of using love languages with them, so that you can be their favorite person!
Bring wonders to your self-care routine by adding a special touch of specific self-care activities capturing the key elements of your primary love language! Down below are some examples of how you can creatively transform your method of self-care activities through the use of these love languages. Go ahead, and communicate with yourself through your most favorite form of love language!
Now that you are well-informed and have attained several ideas and knowledge about how to use these love languages in your day-to-day relations with yourself and others, it is time to spread the magic to the rest of the world. Here, universal love refers to the way in which you communicate to the larger world, be it your communication with your society, community, nature, or the entire universe! We can’t chuck out the fact that human beings are interdependent; directly or indirectly, we are all connected to one another. What do you think?
Down below are some of the ways in which you can practice universal love by implementing these love languages-
So, put these love languages into action while communicating with the world or the people it encompasses! Our every good deed or gesture leads to positive and productive outcomes. And, that is exactly why and how these love languages should be implemented!
Things To Keep In Mind
As mentioned above, Chapman says that the language of love also applies to your relationships with children, colleagues, and even friends; however, they may be different. For example, you may prefer receiving gifts, but with your sibling, you may prefer acts of service.
Furthermore, your love language can also tend to change occasionally. For example, if you’ve had a bad day at work, you may prefer hugs from your partner or a loved one as a source of comfort and encouragement. The key is to communicate regularly and ask your partner or loved one(s) what they require to keep their love box full! Then, you can go ahead and implement your loved one’s needs.
So, adopt the practice of communicating with these five love languages to conquer the world of communication and be successful in all your social and romantic relationships! I hope that I was able to impart some useful knowledge to you.
Do try to inculcate and practice this method of relationship building, through love languages to take your inter and intra-personal relationships to great heights!
So, what are you waiting for? It’s time to rethink the way you communicate and start adopting the use of love languages to spice up your social life and experience the magic of love!
P.S, don’t forget to let me know in the comments down below, what your love language is!
© That Pink Journal. All rights reserved